The Mark(ings) of Zorro

The Mark(ings) of Zorro

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
H.L. Mencken

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What's the Matter with Kansas?

Monday, April 14, 2003

by El Zorro Viejo (aka; Jim)

Confusion...and Guilt
I am in emotional turmoil. I feel like Jimmy Carter in that I have to confess that I have been unfaithful to my wife in my heart and in my fantasies. Not that I would ever follow through with anything like this, but, still, the thought is actually what is important here. The physical doing is just the mechanical application of the thought.

So, I have been having a mental affair with the picture of a young lady in what appears to be a toilet stall. No, no...only her face, nothing weird or kinky--unless you count the fact that she is probably the same age as my children (late 20s-early 30s)(OK, OK...only my daughter-in-law is still in her late twenties; all my kids are in their early 30s). Anyhow, while this particular young lady's face is beautiful, it is not her face that really gets me: it is her writing. If I were 25 years younger, I would risk all to meet her because her thoughts make my soul vibrate.

However, now, it would not be a good thing for anybody involved for me to do anymore than what I'm doing now. If I were to act on my fantasy, most likely what she would see is an overweight man old enough to be her father, and that would be that. Should the impossible happen, though, it would not be good for anyone. I would be deserting my partner and my love of 25 years, and leaving her with an old age without someone to share it with. I would be doing the same to the object of my fantasy since, if God were good to me, should I live another 20 years with her, I would be leaving her in approximately the same position as I would be leaving my soulmate. And, finally, it would be bad for me because I would have to deal with my guilt for the rest of my life. Yet...yet...

I think I need to write some more about this at a later date. My soul, my heart, is still troubled.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. ©El Zorro Viejo 2002-2005

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